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<h1>Z</h1>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">zany</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A popular
character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the <i>buffone</i>, or clown, and was therefore the
ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the
play. The zany was progenitor to the specialist in humor, as we to-day have the
unhappiness to know him. In the zany we see an example of creation; in the
humorist, of transmission. Another excellent specimen of the modern zany is the
curate, who apes the rector, who apes the bishop, who apes the archbishop, who
apes the devil.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">Zanzibari</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> An
inhabitant of the Sultanate of Zanzibar, off the eastern coast of Africa. The
Zanzibaris, a warlike people, are best known in this country through a
threatening diplomatic incident that occurred a few years ago. The American
consul at the capital occupied a dwelling that faced the sea, with a sandy
beach between. Greatly to the scandal of this official’s family, and against
repeated remonstrances of the official himself, the people of the city
persisted in using the beach for bathing. One day a woman came down to the edge
of the water and was stooping to remove her attire (a pair of sandals) when the
consul, incensed beyond restraint, fired a charge of bird-shot into the most
conspicuous part of her person. Unfortunately for the existing <i>entente cordiale</i> between two great
nations, she was the Sultana.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">zeal</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> A certain
nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth
before a sprawl.</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">When Zeal sought Gratitude for his reward<br />
He went away exclaiming: “O my Lord!”<br />
“What do you want?” the Lord asked, bending down.<br />
“An ointment for my cracked and bleeding crown.”</p>

<p class="citeauth">Jum Coople</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">zenith</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The
point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A
man in bed or a cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith, though
from this view of the matter there was once a considerably dissent among the
learned, some holding that the posture of the body was immaterial. These were
called Horizontalists, their opponents, Verticalists. The Horizontalist heresy
was finally extinguished by Xanobus, the philosopher-king of Abara, a zealous
Verticalist. Entering an assembly of philosophers who were debating the matter,
he cast a severed human head at the feet of his opponents and asked them to
determine its zenith, explaining that its body was hanging by the heels
outside. Observing that it was the head of their leader, the Horizontalists
hastened to profess themselves converted to whatever opinion the Crown might be
pleased to hold, and Horizontalism took its place among <i>fides defuncti</i>.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">Zeus</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The chief
of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as
God, Gold, Mob and Dog. Some explorers who have touched upon the shores of
America, and one who professes to have penetrated a considerable distance to
the interior, have thought that these four names stand for as many distinct
deities, but in his monumental work on Surviving Faiths, Frumpp insists that
the natives are monotheists, each having no other god than himself, whom he
worships under many sacred names.</p>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">zigzag</span>, <span class="pos">v.t.</span> To
move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man’s
burden. (From <i>zed</i>, <i>z</i>, and <i>jag</i>,
an Icelandic word of unknown meaning.)</p>

<div class="poem">
<p class="poetry">He zedjagged so uncomen wyde<br />
Thet non coude pas on eyder syde;<br />
So, to com saufly thruh, I been<br />
Constreynet for to doodge betwene.</p>

<p class="citeauth">Munwele</p>
</div>

<p class="entry"><span class="def">zoology</span>, <span class="pos">n.</span> The science
and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly (<i>Musca
maledicta</i>). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded,
but the name of its mother has not come down to us. Two of the science’s most
illustrious expounders were Buffon and Oliver Goldsmith, from both of whom we
learn (<i>L’Histoire generale des animaux</i> and <i>A History of Animated Nature</i>)
that the domestic cow sheds its horn every two years.</p>

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